RELAX: Nothing to see here.
RELAX: Nothing to see here. Contributed

Bold new lyrics for Advance Australia Fair

QUIET Australians everywhere are quietly celebrating the fact that everything is completely bonzer.

We do not have to change a thing about the way we run our country or the way we live our lives.

According to SCOMO we are so insignificant when it comes to wrecking the global environment it doesn't matter if we keep on wrecking the global environment.

To explain how we as a nation arrived at this very relaxed and comfortable point in our history, really the very climax of our journey together as Strayans, I have drafted a new set of lyrics for our national song, Advance Australia Fair.

Not only do the new lyrics conform to the same mawkish late 19th century style so beloved of conservatives the world over, my new version runs to five verses thus drawing out the enjoyment we all experience when we are forced to mumble our way through the world's dullest national anthem in public, together.

My new lyrics also explain our newly chilled attitude towards doing bugger all about the collapse of our own local eco-systems.

But wait there's more. This new version is here just in time for end of year school speech nights and prize giving ceremonies so the kiddies have plenty of time to get their heads around the lyrics.

I expect to hear them being belted out with gusto across the Byron Shire in the run up to Chrissie.

All together now to the tune of Advance Australia Fair then let us sing:

Just Don't Breathe The Air.

Australians all let us all re-Joyce for Scomo's saved the day

There's nothing to see here my dear, so let's just turn away

The fires unconnected with the climate and its care

So can your rage, just take your wage

But just don't breathe the air.


Josh Frydenberg has found the trick and Tory is its hue

He'll flog our ag-ed workers till three score and twenty two

Their pensions gone and working on, retirement now so rare

From wheelchair work the checkout Nan

But just don't breathe the air


So little proud we all should be for trusting in the Nats

They porked their barrels for their mates and dried up all outback

Their loyalty's to old king coal, the bush can flame and flare

Just blame the Greens, their fault it seems

We just can't breathe the air.


The Labour Party is no more fit for the working man

To target Scomo's quiet mass is now also their plan

They stayed quite shtum on refugees, for coal support is there

Electoral wank left voters blank

So just don't breathe the air


To celebrate the baggy green and focus on the crease

Scomo's forward facing plan makes climate carping cease

How good is summer's windy blast, rain forests burnt all bare

All life soon cease on bleached white reef

So just don't breathe the air.


(All together Now)

In mournful tones let's all just groan

Advance Australia...bloody where?