Comedian brutally reviews every Brisbane suburb
I threw out a challenge on Twitter this week, "Tweet me a Brisbane suburb and I'll encapsulate its essence. I'll start us off: Nundah, young gym dads with black labradors, thinking of getting a VW Tiguan". I thought I'd get a few replies and nothing more.
It took off. I've had engagement from Jessica Rudd, apparently she found my summation of Chelmer apt. My snapshot of Chelmer, "A whole lot of chambray and jangly bracelets, everyone has two dogs. No single-dog homes. Think they get a breeze off the river in summer." I had a call from ABC Radio and appeared on its morning program offering my synopsis of suburbs live on air. I seem to be getting more hits than misses too, with a lot of feedback saying, "Spot on" or "It didn't used to be like that".
Of course this Twitter game means very little to those not on Twitter; my mum was just impressed I was on the radio. She thinks that once you're on the ABC you've made it. I realise suburbs are complex and often eclectic, as of now, only one person has been offended. I think it was in regards to Burpengary, "Septic tanks and cat breeders." The truth hurts sometimes.
I got asked mostly about northern Brisbane suburbs, I'll run you through some of the hits. Northgate people love to tell you they live on the train line, they're saving up to move to Bridgeman Downs and they're really into turmeric. Banyo thinks they're better than Boondall and own border collies. Boondall residents, however, have a caravan in their front yard, own a Suzuki Swift and are into bootcamp. Kelvin Grove people ride bikes everywhere, live on their deck in summer and are training for a triathlon. Clayfield has their last name on their car's sun visor for school pick up at Churchie, and Hendra is Clayfield but with horses walking around at 3am.
As we travel south, Holland Park West needs to learn to just say Holland Park, Kuraby has weird street names such as Banana Street. Cannon Hill is boaties who will move to Manly when their Nan dies and leaves them the house. In Runcorn everyone lives in a townhouse and has a Barina.
Brisbane, there you have it.
What Mel thinks of your suburb:
HIGHGATE HILL: Really believe they're a different suburb to West End.
THE GAP: Go camping with their neighbours on school holiday. Love their cul de sac life.
HOLLAND PARK WEST: Just say Holland Park.
CLAYFIELD: Has their last name in all capitals on their 4WD sun visor flap for school pickup. THOMPSON.
NEWMARKET: Nurses in share houses.
CARINDALE: Lip filler central.
SALISBURY: Only want to talk about their renos. AFL fans. Good antique shops. Kelpie owners.
KELVIN GROVE: Ride their bikes everywhere. Live on their deck. Does triathlons.
ASHGROVE: Canterbury jerseys. Two oodle dogs. Holidays at Peregian. Never caught a train in their life.
KANGAROO POINT: Incredibly difficult parking, one cafe. Boomers who downsized for the view, people who run to work. French bulldogs.
Originally published as Brisbane comedian brutally reviews every Brisbane suburb