Opinion: No shame in naming names

AT THE risk of re-opening a can of worms, I'd like to raise the subject of celebrity baby names.

Last time I wrote on the subject back in 2008, I incurred the wrath of dozens of Northern Rivers mothers who had named their male offspring Talon. Who knew it was such a popular name?

That column even became a topic on a talkback radio program on the Gold Coast.

My 15 minutes of fame were neither pleasant nor well paid.

But I can't help but wonder how Blue Angel feels about her name now she is an adult. Mind you, her father's name is The Edge; the lead guitarist of the band U2 changed his perfectly normal birth name of David Evans years ago. Of course, Blue Angel is possibly relieved she wasn't the daughter of Jamie Oliver, Bob Geldof or the late Frank Zappa; between them they've spawned a Buddy Bear, Daisy Boo, Fifi Trixibelle, Moon Unit and Dweezil - among others.

It will be interesting to read the rolls at retirement villages in 60 years. It could be quite entertaining, really. When you go visit great aunt Princess Tiaamii your friend could also drop some flowers in to grandma Moxie Crimefighter.

They'll be sitting around in their Smokey Dawson lift chairs comparing how their tattoos have stretched since they first got ink back in 2003.

Mind you, odd monikers have always been around; in the US, boys frequently end up with two surnames as the Yanks are prone to using the mother's maiden name as their sons' first name - at least when they're not named after their fathers with a couple of Roman numerals tacked on.

We'll never know if Benjamin Franklin would have invented so many things if he'd been called, say, Pilot Inspektor Franklin. Possibly he would have been so sick of having to spell his name, he would have just sat in a corner and sulked rather than coming up with bifocal glasses, the lightning rod, or swim fins.

Would Isaac Newton have discovered the concept of gravity if he'd been christened Audio Science?

Gwyneth Paltrow's daughter Apple would have had a more appropriate name for Mr Newton, I suppose. I also wonder if gravity would have popped into his mind if, instead of paying attention to the apple that fell on his head, he'd been playing Angry Birds on his Apple iPhone.

Would Kyd Miller Edison have been as successful as the rather more mundane Thomas? Perhaps we would still not have light bulbs.

One has to wonder how the celebs that came up with all those labels I just mentioned actually thought of them in the first place.