FLAMED: One way or another most feel burned by the politics around the bush fires
FLAMED: One way or another most feel burned by the politics around the bush fires Marc Stapelberg

Political flame blame game flares

THE political fire storm over the NSW bush fires is now burning hotter than the NSW bush fires themselves.

The Greens kicked it off by suggesting Climate Change may be exacerbating the fires. This unleashed an all in political brawl over the appropriateness of saying anything at all about having 70 fires burning across Australia, half of them out of control, when it wasn't even summer yet.

Once again the heroic Rural Fire Service has stepped up to shield the Australian public from the worst of it.

The political 'Flame Blame Game' has become so volatile the RFS has incorporated Federal and State politicians whereabouts into a new Shit Storms Near Me phone app with similar alert levels.

Admittedly most Australians are permanently at 'Watch and Act' level when it comes to pollies with most of us choosing to 'leave early' if an 'out of control' elected representative appears on a nearby pub TV screen or comes close to our property.

If, God forbid, one gets cut off by a fast moving pollie and their minders staying on message in a built or heavily timbered area the Shit Storms Near Me app will advise that it is 'too late to leave' and you should 'seek shelter in place' by pulling a woollen blanket over your head and ensuring you have enough to drink- water will suffice if you have no access to wine, beer or spirits to dull the pain.

With unprecedented levels of spin expected to remain in place until Christmas those affected by the fires are crying out for answers that aren't blatant and obvious lies.

So to get those answers Byron Shire News is going to the very heart of the problem.

Our Nature Shock Jock- Kyle Bushilands has trekked into the arse end of Byron Shire to interview Ken Kauri one of the trees that insists on bursting into flames every time the Federal Government approves a new coal mine.

As usual the transcript is raw and un-redacted.

Kyle Bushilands: Thanks for agreeing to meet with me today Ken, how are you feeling after nearly six days of extreme firey terror caused by the Greens.

Ken Kauri Tree: To be honest Kyle I'm completely rooted.

Kyle: Ken, even with my reputation for courting controversy I don't think I can put that comment to air.

KKT: Its a tree joke Kyle...because I am literally a tree and as such I am rooted...been rooted here for the last 50 years.

Kyle: Whatever, can you please stop saying rooted, lets move on to more important questions about how stupid the Greens are.

KKT: Sure, I'm not going anywhere.

Kyle: So. Ken. How stupid are the Greens for starting all these fires? Is it true the whole thing started when Richard Di Natale chucked a joint out the window of his publicly funded Hummer just before he got pulled up by the cops at Main Arm last week? Why do you think they hate back burning and land clearing so much? Is it because they drink too many turmeric lattes or is the Chardonnay they poor over the top of their smashed avocado vegan bicycle powered record players they listen to woke Joan Baez records on while they fill out arts grants to make sculptures of LGBTQI solar farmers who hate Gallipoli and want to marry their hipster pets? Or is it the stupid beards and sandals their scientist mates wear while they are protesting against the mining industry or is it ABC fat cats who are covering up for all the lefties trying to destroy our economy so quiet Australians can't go to the footie in peace because all the aboriginals have claimed land rights over Shark Park and are turning it into a camp ground for dole bludgers and refugees?

KKT: Well that's a bit of a multi parter Kyle and it will take some time to....

Kyle: Exactly! You and all your Greenie mates bludging away here in the forest have got no answer. You disgust me.

KKT: ...and all of what you are saying is untrue and probably libellous...

Kyle: Are you shouting me down Ken? Even though I am holding the microphone, I definitely feel like I am being shouted down Ken. I'm just saying the things that everybody is thinking and you Green snowflakes can't handle it. What happened to my freedom of speech Ken?

KKT: Jeez if I wasn't so rooted after all the fires I'd walk out of this interview.