Clarence Chatterbox
Clarence Chatterbox

CLARENCE CHATTERBOX: The NRL 'Chatty' awards go to...

WITH the NRL grand final between the Roosters and the Storm yesterday it seems like the perfect time to award the first ever Clarence Chatterbox "Chatty" awards.

The awards will recognise those who have contributed to the success of the game and shine a light on those who have done their best to flush the reputation of the game down the toilet.

The Thank Goodness All Your Good Players Are Retiring Chatty goes to the NSW Blues. After years and years and years and years and years of frustration, finally all of Queensland's marquee players have retired and NSW won the 2018 series.

Following on from that series win by the Blues, the He Just Had To Turn Up To Win Chatty goes to Billy Slater for his man of the series win. The selection panel of Mal Meninga, Laurie Daley and Darren Lockyer were clearly watching a different series to the rest of us.

The Boofhead Chatty goes to the Canterbury Bulldogs after the disgrace of their Mad Monday celebrations. What is it with NRL players and the desire to take their clothes off at every opportunity? It is a disgrace to the game and the fans who support it.

The Where Did All The People Go Award goes to the Manly Sea Eagles and the Parramatta Eels, who ended their dismal seasons in second last place and last place on the NRL ladder respectively.

They both recorded some of the worst crowds in NRL history. Crowd numbers for some of their matches were as low as 5135. At least you didn't have to queue for your meat pie and the lady's toilet line was very user friendly.

The Who Runs The World Chatty is awarded to the control freak who is Phil Gould. The Panthers general manager was influential in getting rid Anthony Griffin, allegedly because Griffin wouldn't conform to Gould's coaching methods. He had his contracted extended at the Panthers until the end of 2023 and will continue to employ his micromanagement style across the entire club, including the players, coaching staff, jersey washing and the cutting of the oranges at half-time.

Some honourable mentions:

The Who Me? Chatty is an obvious one and is awarded to Sam Burgess for the sexting scandal.

The Should I Stay Or Should I Go Award goes to Ivan Cleary and the tug-of-war for his services between the Panthers and the Tigers.

And the Bring Your Own Furniture To Work Chatty goes to Trent Barrett, who had to provide his own furniture and sit on milk crates at the Manly Sea Eagles. Rumours continue to swirl about his coaching future. Allegedly their end of season trip is a shopping excursion to IKEA...