It's time to inject some reality into advertising.
It's time to inject some reality into advertising. Contributed

Time to inject some reality into TV advertising: OPINION

AS I was walking back from the beach yesterday morning with my Standard poodle, Lola, she decided she needed to answer a call of nature. Being a responsible owner, I juggled a clean-up bag while also protecting in the palm of my other hand a tiny native frog I had rescued from a dirt road and was attempting to return to the nearby wetlands. It was stinking hot and I was sweating buckets. As I madly multi-tasked - another pair of hands would have been useful - the thought occurred to me, 'You never see this in an ad for anything, do you?”.

The world of advertising bears no resemblance to real life. Oh, sure, the subjects covered are more varied than when I was young; then, certain things were alluded to, but polite people didn't really talk about the more unsavoury aspects of the human condition.

Feminine hygiene products are now spruiked utilising any number of unlikely situations; I guess it's an improvement on the weird "absorption test” scenarios from years ago that featured some mysterious blue fluid. Ads for treatments of dysfunctional wedding tackle are commonplace.

As the result of minor surgery a few years ago I had to wrestle each morning and evening with the effort of donning and removing compression stockings for about six long, boring weeks. Apart from the passing illusion that my skin had been restored to its youthful glow and elasticity, there wasn't much to recommend the experience - particularly as I was also nursing a back injury. Ponder this if you will: I exacerbated a recurring spinal problem while getting an ergonomic office chair out of its box. Oh, the irony.

Anyway, the pack the stockings came in bore the image of a young woman who was - by the look of it - teetering on the brink of an intense personal experience better confined to the privacy of one's bedroom. She was positively swooning with the pleasure of wearing the product.

Her eyes were caressing her legs with a look of sensuous delight that I usually reserve for a Terry's Chocolate Orange. I think she would have married those stockings given half an opportunity.

Would it be too much to ask that we inject a little reality into the world of advertising? Do glamorous white-haired seniors have to look giddy with joy as they walk hand-in-hand along the beach knowing they've paid for their own funerals? And that's not even starting on the infomercials that sell everything from weight-loss products to "beauty aids”, kitchen knives and dodgy-looking gadgets. One of my rels is a sucker for those and not one of them has performed as promised.

That's it. I'm going to my bedroom to pull on those stockings.

And I may not be back for some time.