Often, we get caught up in the belief that if we change the circumstances, we change the outcome.
Often, we get caught up in the belief that if we change the circumstances, we change the outcome. Photo Thinkstock

Time to stop running away from yourself

HAVE you ever heard the phrase, "wherever you go, there you are"? I use it quite frequently, but what is your interpretation?

I explain it like this: have you ever moved on from a friendship, a relationship, a job, town, country or continent believing that if you changed that part then everything would fall into place as you wanted it to? What happened? What changed, if anything?

The chances are that it probably felt like a great choice at the time, you got excited by the new opportunities it would present, went through with the change and then waited for things to improve. Then maybe days, weeks, months or years later you found yourself in the same position with the same frustrations and disappointments. What was going on?

If that's ever happened to you and you think back to that time and what it was you wanted to change, I would suggest that the main reason or driver for the change was an external one. In other words, something outside you that was causing some discomfort - a relationship, job situation etc. And it's an indication of how we can get caught up in the belief that if we change the circumstances we change the outcome and, while that may be true in some cases, often it's not.

The answer lies within.

The only thing(s) you have any control over when it comes to change is yourself; that complex, unique and fascinating blend of everything you have experienced in life so far that makes you who you are (values, beliefs, culture, events etc) and gives rise to your thoughts, mindset, emotional response and behaviour. You do not have the power to change anyone else; you have to be the change.

So it starts with you and if you are unwilling or unconscious of the need to change, then "wherever you go, there you are". And you will create your own Groundhog Day so everything will seem the same over and over.

How to change? Internal shifts are needed and it's time to explore where you may be getting in your own way and creating what you don't want. Once you become aware of any internal barriers, start to make changes (coaching supports this) and you'll find improvement follows quickly.

Is it time to stop running away from yourself?

Rowena Hardy is a facilitator, performance coach and partner of Minds Aligned: http://www.mindsaligned.com.au.